Here is some pictures of how things have been recently - pretty sunshine but very messy, a little stressy and quite depressy.
I am someone who needs to have a lot of alone time, and to tend to my space as a way of tending to myself. For a few reasons I haven't been able to do that recently - I've had to spend most of my time away from my home, and it has been affecting me quite a lot
I work from home as well so my matchmaking and all of the admin and work that comes with it has also had to relocate; to friends spare rooms, to cafes once they opened, and briefly to wales to pick up my sister from uni
I have slipped into some pretty rough places in my brain - pretty cold lonely little caves, it's been a long time since I've been floored by my mental health in this way and it was scary to be honest.
Then with running my own business all the impostor syndrome thoughts creep in; A real business owner wouldn't be stopped by their mental health - a good founder would be able to get through a difficult time and still get all their work done - a proper matchmaker wouldn't be late replying to their clients.
While it's true that I need to get systems in place so that I don't fall behind on admin (publishing this website is one of the things that took the back seat) but all of this negative self talk is totally counter productive - it didn't spur me on to get my work finished - it made me want to hide away even more. also, none of it is true - I am a worthy person embarking on a new venture with care, love and passion - I am doing the best I can and that has me at an amazing level as it is - seeing as I'm running a business by myself with gorgeous aesthetics and a high quality service.
I am walking people through a complex and emotional sector of their lives and leaving them feeling more comfortable, excited and better able to form connections - and building spreadsheets and making a website - that is plenty good enough.
This has become more of a self pep talk at this point - but my intention was to be honest and share how I've been feeling and what has been going on. Thank you for reading <3
P.S. - this instagram profile has been really helpful and informative for me and the people around me - www.instagram.com/realdepressionproject/